Discernment Counseling
Couples on the Brink in Seattle, Washington
If you or your spouse are considering divorce but are not completely sure that’s the best path, you are in a tough spot. And Discernment Counseling is designed for you. It’s a chance to slowdown, take a breath, and look at your options for your marriage.
Discernment Counseling is a new way of helping couples where one person is “leaning out” of the relationship—and not sure that regular marriage counseling would help--and the other is "leaning in”—that is, interested in rebuilding the marriage.
The counselor will help you decide whether to try to restore your marriage to health, move toward divorce, or take a time out and decide later.
The goal is for you to gain clarity and confidence about a direction, based on a deeper understanding of your relationship and its possibilities for the future.
The goal is not to solve your marital problems but to see if they are solvable. You will each be treated with compassion and respect no matter how you are feeling about your marriage at the moment. No bad guys and good guys.
You will come in as a couple but the most important work occurs in the one-to-one conversations with the counselor. Why? Because you are starting out in different places.
The counselor respects your reasons for divorce while trying to open up the possibility of restoring the marriage to health.
The counselor emphasizes the importance of each of you seeing your own contributions to the problems and the possible solutions. This will be useful in future relationships even if this one ends.
Number of Sessions: A maximum of 5 counseling sessions. The first session is usually 2 hours and the subsequent are 1.5 or 2 hours.
Discernment Counseling is not suited for these situations:
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When one spouse has already made a final decision to divorce
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When one spouse is coercing the other to participate
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When there is danger of domestic violence
What if one partner is ambivalent and the other isn't?
Discernment Counseling is a great fit for couples determining next steps in their relationship when one partner is unsure they want to continue, and the other partner is sure they do want to continue. Each session is a mix of individual and joint time, where I ask each person specific questions designed to bring clarity about what the problems are that led you here, seeking help. And clarity on next steps forward.
What will Discernment Counseling feel like?
Each partner will meet individually to share their perspective on how they contributed to the problems in the relationship, and what efforts have been made to resolve those problems. Partners will share with each other in joint sessions what they discover individually. The process may feel uncomfortable, painful, hopeful, fearful, connecting, disconnecting, or unifying. We are working together to find clarity and confidence about next steps. The process will feel complete at the end (if not, then we aren't done!), with careful consideration and deep respect of each persons' needs, as well as the joint endeavor for greater clarity around next steps.
